Trust

I couldn’t believe the note I was reading. Highly confidential, I learned the child I was about to see had experienced unimaginable trauma… Inflicted by a family member so close it made my blood run cold. She had barely escaped with her life.

I sent the note through our paper shredder and whispered a prayer as I headed outside.

Jesus, help me. You know what this little girl needs today.

Huddled by her mom and sister, her bright blue eyes met my gaze. We exchanged introductions and I learned she wanted to ride. I knew we had to get Hero.

Hero is a vibrantly alive, full of personality, and desperately rescued member of our horse herd. He was found stumbling through BLM land with a gunshot wound to his face and a badly injured leg. Coming to the ranch, X-rays revealed 2 bullets lodged in his brain, he lost one eye, and his leg took longer to heal than his face.  Hero was alive against all odds.

And so was this precious child.

Throughout grooming and saddling, I shared Hero’s story and she soaked it in.  As I warmed him up, Hero began crowding me a bit. I explained his need to respect my personal space before she rode and showed her how to be effective as I was protecting my “space bubble.”

Then WHACK. The rope swung and hit Hero over his only good eye. He jerked backwards and flung his head from the sting.

Mortified, I apologized to both her and the horse. “I’m so sorry. That was a mistake and I should NOT have hit him in the face like that.”

Meekly, I tried to move on with the session. Hero forgave immediately.  The little girl mounted up and I was pleased to see a giant smile spread across her face.

Our conversation continued and a question flew out of my mouth that I immediately regretted.

“How do you know if someone is truly trustworthy?”

I kicked myself – she SHOULD have been able to trust the one that had abused her. Her own family! Man, was I messing this up.

Unphased, she smiled and responded, “Well, I guess if they’re kind and nice and stuff you can trust them.”

Then words rolled off my tongue that I knew could not have come from me:

“Isn’t it true though that we all make mistakes? So we could probably agree that no one is truly trustworthy.”

She thought and nodded.

I continued, “Except for one Person, and that is Jesus.”

She beamed and nodded vigorously. (Miss blue eyes already shared she had asked Jesus in her heart and we had high-fived at being forever sisters in Him.)

“So, we can place our FULL trust in Jesus, and practice trusting others and giving them grace when they fail. Just like Hero…”

My mind spun as I realized and watched God weave a beautiful picture out of my mistake…

“I failed and slapped Hero over his one good eye. And yet he’s still choosing to walk forward in trust. He knows God’s got him and that he can allow for grace for us when we mess up. He’s able to forgive and keep moving forward with us in friendship. Pretty neat, huh?”

I could see all sorts of connections taking place across her face.  She rode like a champ and I sensed that she and Hero could understand each other in a way I never would. God had done so much healing in both of them… And they both were learning to walk forward in trust. I whispered another prayer of thanks that Jesus had indeed come and helped meet this child right here in a humble round pen.

Please take a moment and pray for continued healing this little girl and her family.

Shouting Life

I had my first child fall off at the ranch.

She came off while working on a cantering lesson. The accident, while it could have been prevented, was one that wasn’t the horse’s or rider’s fault. It was MY fault.

I didn’t shout when I had the chance.

I saw Isaac, the horse, was rushing. I knew he needed to be asked to slow down and collected before trying again for a canter. My child didn’t recognize this and kept squeezing until he trotted faster and faster until she just bounced off.

My calm, easy-going self didn’t take the opportunity I had to holler and command her to slow down. I hate having to get loud… But that would have been the only way to have potentially stopped the crash. We had already talked about not allowing Isaac to rush and she had simply forgotten in the moment of adrenaline rush. If I had spoken up and risked sounding angry (which I wasn’t), I might have saved her some bruising.

Both horse and rider were champs. Isaac slowed down and stood quietly, she caught her breath and got back on and we continued our lesson in a more controlled frame.

For this post, I didn’t have a picture of a child falling off a horse, but I did have one of my sister playing too close to a cliff.  I thought my family and I goofing off is a humorous portrait of the power we have to help others.

Looking back, I realize I’m often afraid to speak up when it could make the most difference. I hesitate when I should be shouting. And more often than not, my voice has a power I neglect.

I’ve focused on Scripture saying the tongue has the power of… DEATH. I don’t want death and discouragement to come out of my mouth, so I try to be soft spoken. But God reminded me that I also have power to speak LIFE. And sometimes it’s not only appropriate, but necessary to yell that life out even if it sounds harsh.

Paul stood up and rebuked Peter in front of a group when he saw Peter displaying hypocrisy. Jesus called in a loud voice for Lazarus to come out of the tomb. And the Psalmist says many times to praise the Lord with a festal SHOUT.

I’m asking God to start showing me different areas He’s asking me to speak out and declare His glory. To be alert and call out gossip when I hear it. And to grow in courage to say hard things in love.

Who knows? It might save someone a disastrous crash. Or be the hard turning point to repentance and healing.

Am I willing to be used like THAT?

God, make me BRAVE.

 

NOTE: Scripture references — Proverbs 18:21; Galatians 2:14; John 11:43; Psalm 98:4

Brave

“Sometimes I feel like I want to be Brave.”

I stood in silence as I let the words sink in.  The girl sitting across from me in our Harvest Day class was painting the word “Brave” in large, bold letters across the wooden board in front of her.  I remembered just the day before I had been looking at what seemed to be a different child.

This same 10 year-old, who we’ll call “Hannah,” stood shyly off to the side as kids and leaders were being paired for sessions.  Her name was called and she came my way.  I noticed that she was very tall for her age and walked nervously and somewhat awkwardly as she followed me to start our session.  When I asked her what she wanted to do, she wrung her hands and responded, “I guess maybe… we could… ride a horse.”

“You guess maybe we could?” I countered.

“Oh, um, sorry.  Let’s ride a horse.”

At that moment, I had the oddest thought.  It was more like a deep knowing than a thought.  This girl needed to ride Phoebe.

Phoebe is one of our horses for a higher level rider.  She came as a filly from the most extreme rescue the ranch has ever been a part of… a backyard breeding program of over 300 starving, emaciated horses.  Breeding dogs were everywhere too, living in piles of junk, and starving to the point of attacking and trying to eat the horses.  The staff at the ranch lovingly  nourished Phoebe back to health and she is now a tall, strong horse.  Still, however, she sometimes struggles with fear and trust.  To be successful during a session, she needs a strong, confident leader.

And this girl was anything but confident.

Unsure of my decision, but feeling we should at least give it a try, we went to get Phoebe.  Hannah listened intently as I told her Phoebe’s story and her need of a confident rider.  I also told her that once someone earns Phoebe’s trust, she’s one of the most loyal horses I’d ever met.

While we groomed and saddled, I noticed that each time I taught Hannah something that was different than she’d been doing, she’d say, “Sorry.” I pointed that out to her and finally told her she didn’t need to say sorry anymore.  She wasn’t doing anything wrong and was just learning.  She accepted that and tried not to say it again.

Once in the arena, atop Phoebe’s back, I was amazed at the transformation I saw in Hannah.  She was quiet and confident for her horse.  We worked on a few exercises and it just happened that Hannah had great balance and was able to stay calm even when Phoebe wanted to rush and go faster.  She did great with her!

And as she rode, she started to talk.  And laugh.  And tell me stories.  She came to life and I was so honored to see and be a part of what God was doing in her heart.

The following day during our class, I was delighted that God gave me a sneak peak at the transformation He was continuing to do.

“Sometimes I want to be brave.”

I jolted back to the present.  “Hannah, you were brave yesterday with Phoebe.  You were SO brave!  It was incredible to watch you do so well with her.  It takes a pretty special person to be able to do what you did.  I love your sign.  Good job!”

She smiled and quietly went back to work.  At the end of the class, I looked again at her board.

Behind “Brave” was a painting of a horse silhouette running into the sunset.

 

 

“It’s really yummy!”

An energetic, somewhat easily distracted, and beautifully joyful little girl walked right into my heart this summer.  I cannot share her name because it’s possible that it would jeopardize her safety.  But you guys have to hear her story.  So, for the time being, we shall call her Sophie.

Sophie is 10 years-old, loves horses, and more than anything loves Jesus.  Taken from her biological family at age 7 because of abuse, she’s had her share of trauma.  And yet, her enthusiasm and zest for life is absolutely contagious.  In our first conversation, she asked ME if I were a Christian and if I knew Jesus.

One of Sophie’s biggest dreams is to work toward cantering.  So, each session we choose a riding skill to develop that serves as the perfect foundation towards this goal.  Patiently and diligently, Sophie has learned to shorten her reins, practice the emergency stop and dismount (even bareback!), and learning to post.  She has great aptitude and natural balance, but more importantly self-motivation that helps her through the less exciting exercises.

To Sophie’s utter dismay, one day she came for sessions and the sky grew overcast and stormy.  It is a rare Central Oregon day when we do not have full sun all afternoon — really, all day for that matter!  Though we can ride horses in the rain, we must put them away at the first sign of lightning and the prospects certainly weren’t looking good for our session.  We opted to grab a Bible instead and run through the rain up to the Lookout, a shelter nestled into the back ridge of the ranch.

And we just hung out and talked.

For the first time, I got to hear more of her story.  She opened up and shared about her family dynamics, her trauma, and her healing.  I sat amazed as this little girl, who by all means could have been cowering in a dark shell of pain and mistrust, openly talked about these hard things with a smile and light in her eyes.  When I asked her how it was that she could be so joyful about all that has happened to her, she gave the most profound answer.

“I know there was a lot of bad stuff that happened, but I feel like God turned it all to good because now maybe I can understand and help someone else who’s going through a hard time.”  She paused and thought a minute then slowly continued, “It’s sorta like an egg.  You can’t eat that raw egg, but when it’s cooked, it’s really yummy!”

I laughed and Sophie said, “Wow… I just came up with that now by myself!”

What an incredible understanding of suffering from a warrior so young.

Sometimes I complain and ask God why we have to go through suffering and I have a hard time remembering the bigger picture that Jesus gives us in Scripture.  Paul tells the Corinthian church, “Even when we are weighed down with troubles, it is for your comfort and salvation! For when we ourselves are comforted, we will certainly comfort you. Then you can patiently endure the same things we suffer.” (2 Co. 2:6, NLT)  Sophie knew that God was using her troubles to prepare her to help others.

At the end of our non-horse, rainy session, in typical Sophie fashion, she declared, “You know what?  I’m kinda glad it rained because otherwise we wouldn’t have gotten to hang out and talk.  That was a lot of fun!”

Again, Sophie exercised her habit of thankfulness in even the little things — and I smiled.  Little did she know God was using her in that moment to remind and encourage me of His faithfulness.

Lord Jesus,  I often ask that You would use me and then am surprised and discouraged when things get hard or trouble comes.  Please help me to remember that You are just answering my prayers to use me and train me to better help others.   You take the most bitter, raw seasons of life and make them wholesome and yummy.  I can forget that discomfort, heat, and fire are all part of that process!  Thank You for my dear little friend and the lessons you teach me through her each time we get to hang out.  I’d ask You’d help get her to cantering soon.

 

The Cross

Two rough beams of wood.  Two hands stretched wide in love.  One Holy God bleeding out hope.  The cross… where glory died and hope was born.

And it’s what Christ beckons us to carry each and every day.

My flesh is totally mortified… Ugly thoughts, poisonous doubts, mocking pride lie bare and open on the cross of self-sacrifice.  Kneeling before the cross, Christ’s blood drips down and over, washing and healing, making me new.  And as His glory falls, my hope rises.

Because of the cross I am free. I’m free to love and give and chase after the face and smile of my Jesus.  I’m free to enjoy my four legged friends, climb mountains, and breathe in the grime and dust of working at the Ranch and playing with the kids.  Jesus has freed me to live in joy.

The cross is where the battle stops.  Sickness has toyed with me and knocked me down, but I’m free to smile.  Lies of discouragement have tampered with my faith, but I’m free to laugh.  Grief has worn me thin, but I’m free to stand firm at the foot of the cross.

What a gift to carry with us!  What a Savior and friend to guide and lead us!

One little girl came to the Ranch… Her horse wanted to roll in the sandy arena so we took off the saddle and halter and I heard these words roll off my lips:

“You know what’s left when you take all the ropes off your horse?  The TRUTH.  That’s when you can see if your horse really wants to follow you.  Sort of like Job in the Bible.  Satan thought Job only followed God because of all the strings attached – because he wanted to be rich and healthy.  So God told Satan he could take those things away.  That’s when the TRUTH was seen: Job would follow God no matter what.  Sometimes we wonder why hard things happen to those who are following Jesus, but really, it’s so the truth can be seen.  That’s when we can show the world that Jesus is worth following, no matter what.”

The horse followed the two of us and stood patiently as we talked, happy to wait quietly in our presence.  And I thanked Jesus for the picture He gave me of waiting patiently under the shadow of the cross.

In His presence is fullness of JOY.

Joy at the cross?  You bet!  That’s where we meet the end of ourselves and the beginning of our King.  Nothing could be more exciting.

Thank You, dear Jesus for the cross – where faith is proven real and love is tested strong.  Please teach us to abide quietly there in joy as we wait on You.